“Excuse Me, Is There a Loss Section?” Readers’ Advisory to the Grieving and Bereaved

Posted on May 16, 2019

Nicolette left us on May 15th, 2019. This column originally appeared on December 8, 2017, on Public Libraries Online. Like always, in the midst of her own struggles, she was looking out for the rest of us. This wonderful piece won Public Libraries magazine’s 2017 Feature Article Contest. If you have song parody lyrics or other content not already published here, please feel free to send it to nina dot mchale @ ucdenver dot edu, and I will add it here. -Nina McHale

They come up to the desk and, for the most part, they do not look particularly sad. Most of them look tired–very tired. I look over or approach and ask if I can help them, and as they edge closer to the desk, sometimes dropping their voices at the same time, they ask:

“Do you have books for when somebody has died?”
“Do you have books for people who have lost somebody?”
“Where are your loss books?”
“Do you have a grief book section?”
This has happened often enough that I have developed a sort of protocol for what to ask and how to assist bereaved patrons.

Read the full article at Public Libraries Online

Real-Life Reference: Dinosaurs and Marmosets

Posted on January 22, 2018

I am a reference librarian. One whom my boss, bless his heart, has called a “somewhat pathological” reference librarian. (I am sure he meant that in the sweetest way possible.)

I like to help people. I like to delve into a subject. And, as a mother, I want to be valuable to my children. So I liked the idea of my kids having research projects, just like a friend of mine who has traced his family tree back to Adam (yes, that Adam—apparently, once you get back to Charlemagne, he had his people do the work for him) eagerly anticipated the ancestry unit at his child’s school.

Alas. My dreams of snipping Gordian knots of information to the wonderment and awe of those two sets of brown eyes yielded not so much on the fruition front.

Read the full article at Booklist Online

 

Summer Reading

Posted on January 16, 2018

(apologies to Grease, the Musical)

Kid
Summer reading—had me a blast

Librarian
Summer reading it kicked my ass

Kid
Jumped two levels in my AR

Librarian
Lost three Read Alouds in my car [can substitute Playaways]

Librarian chorus
Autumn’s cool, the kids are in school bu—ut Oh, oh those summer reads

wella wella wella Ooomph

Girl Chorus
Read some more read some more
Find me something that’s new

Boy Chorus
Read some more read some more
I got nothing to do

uh-uh uh-uh uh-uh

Librarian
Summer storms washed out the Clue Trail

Kid
Read to doggy, he wagged his tail

Librarian
Twelfth of Never, Notorious Nineteen

Kid
I need my library card? You guys are mean!

Librarian chorus
Winter’s cool, the kids are in school
bu—ut Oh, oh those summer reads

wella wella wella Ooomph

Chorus: Reading Lists, Reading Lists
Kid: Is the Odyssey here?
Chorus: Learn some more learn some more
Librarian: Come and learn to brew beer!
uh-uh uh-uh uh-uh

Kid: I can’t find my manga book here
Librarian: Infinite Jest– I need that beer
Kid: Lost my ebooks new iOS
Librarian: It’s the price of upgrades I guess

Librarian Chorus:
These books are fun–Oops out of Book One
It’s the curse of the Summer Reads

Wella wella wella oomph

Chorus: Find some more find some more                             (holds up 50 Shades of Grey)
Kid: I’ve already read that
Chorus: Find some more Find some more
Kid: Do I sound like a brat?
Chorus and Librarian: Uh huh Uh huh Uh huh
Uh huh uh huh you sound like a brat

Kid: Reading list books–I need em right now
Kid: Get some copies–I don’t care how
Librarian: They’re checked out by the rest of your class
Kid: I need to read them or I won’t pass

Librarian Chorus:
Summer reads, stress balls and beads
prizes all in the summer reads

wella wella wella Ooomph

Chorus: Earn a prize, Earn a prize

Kid: Don’t you have one in blue?
Chorus: Earn a prize, earn a prize
Kid: How come I can’t have two?
Chorus:
Too bad ha ha Too bad ha ha Too bad
Too bad ha ha Too bad
No one gets two

Librarian:
It turned colder, that’s where it ends
School took back our little friends
It’s been a long strange three month trip
Next June I’ll prepare with a scrip

Chorus:
Autumn leads to programming needs,
But oh, those summer reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeads

Agnostic Maybe

Posted on January 23, 2018

(again to “Call Me Maybe”)

Andy Woodworth has a blog called Agnostic Maybe, in which he campaigns for libraries, librarians, Old Spice mentions, and a Ben and Jerry’s library-themed flavor, among other things.

Not just a book loving guy
I’m a library gadfly
I take note of trends that I spy
Discuss them in my blog.

Some times I may step on toes
We critics often have foes
Can’t deal with colleagues who froze
Became bumps on a log.

People, times are changin’
Li-braries rearrangin’
Patrons’ lives are more far-rangin’
Even if you think it’s strange.

So, you hate ebooks?
Think zines are crazy?
You worship print pubs?
I’m Agnostic Maybe.

You host book clubs
Try maker-spaces, Baby!
Books may be holy-
but I’m Agnostic Maybe.

OK you wanna talk books
in paper Kindles or Nooks
Don’t summon me, finger crooked
to take book off my shelves

Let people choose what they read
find information they need
Yeah you could say my heart bleeds
and you can F*** yourselves

I’ll stock books on elves and witches
Palahniuk keeps me in stitches
I stand for privacy over snitches
A leftist liberal son of–a gun

So you love Coulter
Think Moore is crazy
Adore O’Reilly- I’m
Agnostic Maybe

You want 50 Shades…Gone
And books by “that gay lady”
Your church aint mine-I’m
Agnostic Maybe

Ben and Jerry let’s talk
there’s no reason to balk
for this cause I’ll stalk
Librarian Ice Cream

Can’t you please grant my wish
There’s one named after Phish
“Taste the Linsanity” had issues
So fulfill my dream

You made a scoop for Jerry
so guys please don’t tarry
Our cafe would carry
S.R. Ripple for Libraries

Hey it’s got reasons
Will outlast Wavy Gravy
I’ll plug it on
Agnostic Maybe

A Flavor For All Seasons
A sure bestseller baby
Re: Ice Cream, I ain’t
Agnostic Maybe

S.R, Ripple
Named for the famous library scientist S. R. Ranganathan
And his Five Laws
These laws are:
Scoops are the Bomb
Every eater his scoop.
Every scoop its eater.
Bless the time of the eater.
The waistline is a growing organism.

Mamas, Don’t Let Your Babies Log in to Read eBooks

Posted on January 23, 2018

E-books ain’t easy to love ‘cuz they’re hard to download
They’ll give you errors instead of the text motherlode
USB problems
Bad authorizations
A frustrating, hair-yanking stint
If I hadn’t spent more than I should on my Kindle
I’d prob’ly go back to print.

Mamas don’t let your babies log in to get ebooks
They’ll end up in rehab
Their eyebrows will twitch
S’posed to be simple
In fact it’s a ……pain

Mamas don’t let your babies log in to get ebooks
They’ll scream and they’ll yelp
And they won’t get The Help
Even when hold queues come up…
so then somebody said there was no mama, prison, trains
so it could not be a perfect country western song, so I said

I was drunk the day Penguin pulled out of Kindle
I called my mama sobbin’ with the pain
When I thought of all the iPads loaded with the Kindle app
I threw my Stockett underneath a train
Maybe Overdrive will come see me in prison
And my boss will call my mama and explain
“She was a great librarian til the day she snapped
From the Penguin ebooks that were all our bane.”

and then they said I was too easy on the Nook so just in case the songs seemed a little hard on the Kindle, I had issues with the Nook too–we were getting a lot of people who had been sold it by B&N as library friendly and ready for any library e-books. Well, sorta..
(to Hee Haw’s “where, where are you tonight”)

You had a book booth at the senior convention
you sold her a Nook and you sent her to me
when she stepped to the counter she happened to mention
she reads Nora Roberts and owns no PC….
Where where are you tonight
why did you set me up, what did I do?
there are still some folks that don’t match with your product
Yeah it was a sale, but I say “SHAME ON YOU!”

Ask Me Maybe

Posted on January 22, 2018

Yes, I’ve worked over a decade of Sunday night chat shifts

You’re flunkin lit 101
your parents’ patience is done
Of chances left you got none
The paper’s due real soon

You ain’t found nothing on Bing
Bubkes from Googling
Another F’s gonna sting
Dad’s headed to the moon

You’re finding this frustratin’
Girlfriend’s tired of waitin’
Bad grade anticipatin’
Don’t waste time the searchin’ hatin’

Hey it’s due Monday
and this is crazy
but it’s still Sunday
So ask me maybe

Hey, I got sources
Your taxes pay me
I’m a search ninja
So ask me maybe

Through the web I can race
Find data in hidden place
-es and in my databases
that you don’t know yet

I can make Google talk
when before it would balk
with keywords data I’ll stalk
and reams of it I’ll get

I’ll show you how I got it
how to AND OR or NOT it
you’ll wish you hadn’t fought it
‘cuz we netted you a lot and

Hey it’s due Tuesday
and this is crazy
but it’s still Monday
So ask me maybe

Hey I got sources
Your taxes pay me
I’m a search ninja
So ask me maybe

Nina’s Drupal Blues

Posted on January 22, 2018

When my friend and web goddess Nina McHale was having issues with a bit of code that would not behave

You’re damn right, I’ve got the blues
From my head down to my shoes
You’re damn right, I’ve got the blues
From my head down to my shoes
My CSS is caching and my images said “adieu.”
(yes lawd)

Got a custom URL alias
But it’s getting over-rid
Got a custom URL alias But it’s getting over-rid
You know it might be the Path-auto module
Or I don’t know what the f*** I did
I said, “Now, look out”

I’ve got the drupal writin’ blues
Don’t know what next to try
I’ve got the drupal writin’ blues
Don’t know what next to try
My web pages just ain’t loadin’,
anonymous content said “goodbye.”
(hear what I’m sayin”)

You damn right, I got the blues
You damn right, I got the blues
You damn right, I got the blues

You damn right, I got the blues, yeah

The Library Director’s “Santa Baby”

Posted on January 22, 2018

(inspired by a conversation with Sarah Houghton)

Santa Baby, slip some goodies under the tree,
for me.
been an awful good girl,
Santa baby,so hurry down the chimney tonight.

Santa baby, something far more rare than it looks,
Ebooks.
… That I don’t have to jailbreak,
Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight.

If there’s just one thing I need,
Give me city councilfolk who like to read.
Next year I really need their vote.
I’m vegan, Kris, so you can bag the sable coat.

Santa baby, the bottom line’s one thing that I lack ,
in Black,
Worked my ass off all year,
Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight.

Santa honey, if you could take away all the fleas,
Oh please
They bite and patrons complain,
Santa honey, so hurry down the chimney tonight.

Santa cutie, if you could only just water proof
The roof.
Print books curl when they’re damp,
Santa cutie, and hurry down the chimney tonight.

Come on you and all your elves,
Bring me some computers from 2012,
I really do believe in you,
Let’s see if you believe in me,too (boop boop be doo)

Santa baby, forgot to mention last year you took
My book.
How’d you like Fifty Shades?
Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight,
Hurry down the chimney tonight,
Hurry to the Red Room tonight
Hurry, tonight. Sshhhhhhhhhh

Public Libraries Spotlight: Nicolette Warisse Sosulski, Business and Reference Librarian, Portage District Library

Posted on January 22, 2018

“[Community health literacy] is especially vital now because over the last few decades the patient has had more of a role in healthcare decision-making. Years ago, the doctor pretty much told you what to do. Now the doctor will often say, what do you think you want to try? And the patient is kerflummoxed. S/he’s not a doctor or nurse. Further, in the time of fast appointments at the clinic, sometimes you may need to ask about something—but you do not even know what to ask. I believe that one of the librarian’s most important functions is to teach people enough that they can ask informed questions of their doctor, lawyer, accountant, or investment broker. These days, people need to act as their own health advocates, and they need current, authoritative information to do that effectively.  That’s where librarians come in.”

Read the full interview at the National Network of Libraries of Medicine

Real-Life Reference: Librarian Karaoke

Posted on January 16, 2018

You hear about “Bridezilla” and “Momzilla.” Sometimes they exist in the same family. But sometimes it seems that Momzilla is paired with a daughter-bride who is not as invested as Mom is. Mom then goes into a panic that things are not under control and that friends and family near and far will converge on a wedding that is not perfect. The idea is intolerable, and Mom then screeches, “Well it is your wedding, but I can see that if it is going to be done right, I am going to have to do it!” She storms out the door and drives to the library.

I was on desk. She blew up to the desk like a hurricane. The problem was that the Catholic Mass program for the wedding ceremony was due at the printer imminently, and the dear daughter, who was supposed to have prepared the text for this, had handed Mom a crumpled Post-it. It further became apparent that Mom had either blocked out or forgotten full knowledge of the order of the Mass. She wanted to know all the places in the Mass where a song could fit in, and she wanted to pick out all the songs or find full information for ones that had been suggested on the Post-it. When I idly asked what readings had been picked, that upped her tension level just a bit. There was nothing about that on the Post-it.

Read the full article at Booklist Online